rugs for little girl room games
*high five!* top of the mornin' to ya laddies, my name is jacksepticeye and welcome to "the narrator is a dick" see, you looking at the title of the game and you were like "is that really what it's called or is jack just really mad at this game and he called it that?" i dunno, maybe i will get really mad at this game and i'll want to actually call the game this anyway just dick, dick, dick, dick.
rugs for little girl room games, uhm. but this is something that i was roaming around on steam, it came up, the title of it was hilarious i think it might be an unfair platformer but the title alone was enough to sell me on it
and the art style is adorable as well so let's do this!!! "this will delete your previous save game data" i don't even have any save game data! i didn't do anything yet. i literally just launched the game and started narrator: our hero awakens in an open field under an apple tree he remembers he can use the w, a, s, d keys or a controller to move and that he should start by going right
*cheerful music* jack: okay... that seems... simple enough... nice little apples up here oooh it controls very nicely ah the art- narrator: ah that's a death there... (f**king narrator is already annoying) well, i guess our hero awakens in an open field or whatever... under an apple tree *laughs* narrator: well, he might've remembered that he may have used the w, a, s, d keys or the controller at one point to- *jack laughing crazily*
narrarator: you can use the controller, or you can use the keyboard. i don't really care... *another crazy laugh* narrarator: but... please, player. proceed right. jack: i like this game already! hopefully there's not too much talking 'cause... i wanna- i wanna conversate with you guys as well. but okay! itsah, so it is kind of an unfair platformer
i see those spikes! narrator: oh my god, you just died. well that's a- jack: fuck, that scared me!!! our hero awakens in an open field under an apple tree, he remembers he can use- there we go! narrator: -the w, a, s, d keys and a controller- jack: i know!!! narrator: you died! congrats, player. jack: what did i die from???!! (death)
narrator: our hero awakens in an open field under an apple tree. jack: oh god you're gonna get annoying jack: stop talking to me. - hup! ok, so just keep- well i- ooh the apple fell down. narrator: well i guess our hero awakens in an open field or whatever under an apple tree. jack: i get it, shut up, jesus... narrator: well he might have remembered that he might've used the w, a- jack: can i..
can i trigger the apple to fall? there we go. ok, check point? narrator: wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.. what are you doing? why are you going right? why.. who told you to go right? jack(talking over narrator): you did!!! narrator: honestly ... like, seriously... i told you to go left. jack(still talking over narrator): no you didn't!! narrator: a few seconds ago... and you're just going right. seriously.... honestly, youre supposed to left. go left please. jack: i-i-i'm trying!
narrator: honestly, you're supposed to go left. jack: i.. i- narrator: go left please.. jack: i'm trying, god this guy is a dick! he's being very unfair to me! okay, we're going left now, ahhh!! narrator: oh.. i see you're playing this game again... hmm.. alright then.
well i guess we'll start from the drill then. our hero awakens in an open field-- jack: what is happening?! [narrator continuing same lines from the beginning] jack: yeah this is all normal again! narrator: and thathe should start-- actually you're supposed to go left. narrator: sorry i'm not very good-- jack(talking over narrator): i went leftalready and then i died again anyway fffuck it anyway, man! oh god.
okay here we go okay so... huah 'kay, i made it, i made it, i made it, i made it! yes! now don't die! i need to get a check point! ok, thank god! aw! narrator: go right you idiot! what are you doing justlooking at this dead end? this empty-- jack: are you telling me to go right again? narrator: chasm of nothingness
when it's really clearly a dead end andyou probably should not be walking anywhere-- jack(talking over narrator): this is gonna collapse. oh... fuck narrator: ah, a new story! well i just had to open my... jack: i have to restart the entire game over again? every fucking time?!
are you serious?! narrator: god damn it, you have to go left! jack: shut up dude !!! narrator: apparently this-- jack: aw, god fuck it anyway! this game is going to piss me right thefuck off jack: there we go trigger everything.trigger everything first if this guy could stop talking thatwould be fantastic i would love that if you stop talkingthere we go that's nice aaaaand trigger this,
go back, i did it! i did it duder! can you go fuck yourself now? oh god please don't- what killed me? this game is going to piss me right the fuck off i did not realise this is a game thati had to keep restarting over and over and over again and he keeps re-narrating everything? that's not going to get annoying at all. i don't want to pull my hair out at all.
i'm lying, i do. n: absolutely but we could wecould yes we good j: are we good? are we good? yes? n: are we ever going to that begoing in that direction and we should be- our hero j: shut n:reaches another-oh- j: the fuck up. n: ohhh my itlooks like that's a dead end. j: the fucking cloud killed me that time didn't it? n: maybe you were supposed to go right after all. j: what killed me last time? n: maybe i was- j: aw man. n: i'm just gonna keep eating my p- j: how do i get past that? n: all right, ourhero- actually, you have to go left- j: dude, i'm finishing your
fuckin areas before your sentence kicks in. n: sorry, apparently this manual actually took us to the wrong location. j: ughhh! off to a goodstart i'm gettin achievements n: under an apple tree. j: breathe. breathe. n: remember- j: breathe. dude, i'm gonna have toturn you off off eventually. i'm sorry, what was that? n: you were supposed to go left- j: oh go left! you mean the same way i'vebeen trying to fucking go all these restarts ago. ok that's it. i have an itchy mustache! n: go right you idiot- j: go rrrright? n: what are you doing?j: how do i get past this thing over here?
n: this empty chasm- j: oh there we go! n: it's really clearly- j: oh godd i'm nervous , i'm s- fuck! n: that number, whatever. j: sorry. haha haha why? why do i have to restart the entire thing every time? ughhhh. the narrator's not a dick, he's just incessant. if that makes him a dick, then i guess i'm a dick in real life as wellbecause i repeat myself a bunch shut up dude. ok. n: are you saying- j: nice, n: that we just walked all the way over there we changed direction and-j: oh god don't anything kill me
don't anything- aahhh! come on! n: jesus, stop dying! j: aaha i'm fucking trying dude, you know what? you know what? n: ah, our hero- j: you're getting the muties. n (volume going down): field under an apple tree-(muted) j: ahh. now it's nice, listen to the music! ahh, peaceful! i am at peace! this is what peace-ness looks like. okay so we're coming back again this is a terrible- terribly designed. why do i have to keep repeating the same sections over and over again? hah! not today you sons of bitches! see, the game is designed to make you forget what everything is
i'm doing it so many times that i'm like"okay, i flip the switch, now i got to go back" and then you forget there's fuckin spikes there, and then you forget that the fuckin' cloud fires down lightning at you cool cool. getting it done. getting it done hup! you hairy anus! is this game possible? is it doable? how long is the game? i've only tried 14times. this is going to get up to about 50 before the episode's over. actually no,it's not, 'cause i'll get so pissed off before the end ofit that i won't want to try it 50 times ok so ho-
oh yes no, no, no, yes, yes, yes don't fall, don't fall, don't fall, don't fall, don't fall. i'm nervous, i'm nervous and i'm scared oh i did it. one level down that took too long. ugh! ok, ok. it's time to just go forward. time to just go forward. oh-kay!
fuckbag fuck! hup! ok okay oh-okay oka- okay! ahhh! i did it! aaaaah! they fuckin' shoot tomatoes at me! guns. could i get some guns? i want some guns.let me in to get some guns!
fuck. fuck, you guys. oh, i'm scared. i'm scared. triple x. let me in to see somestrippers. i need something to console me interact. hello ma'am, would you like to go across the street? how do i interact? click! i don't know what's happening. we're staring each other down! -do do lo do dooo- oh wait the narrator's supposed to be talking
n: slowly, i mean, you know, that's one way to do it. i mean that's an alternate way to kill her, but you know or we could just let her live you know that's also the- the first choice that you could make- j: let's let her live! n: i recommend that personally you know that's just my own opinion. j: help her, kill her. i can't even see my mouse anymore. uhh, help her! n: oh my god you just chose to kill her. why did you choose that? oh my god- j: you asshole! i didn't pick kill!n: you are a horrible, horrible human being. what is wrong with you?
oh my gooood. j: *laughs* n: uuugh, this is disgusting. what is wrong- j: shut up! -laughs- n: you sicken me! you absolutely sicken me. j: come on dude, i'm trying my best here!n:...right now- j: i'm a nice person! uhhh, i don't know what you said. n: to sate his horrific bloodlust, our hero decides to head back to the gun store in town and buy some explosives j: this i can get behind. how do i click off this? there we go. buy some guns!
buy some guns for some funs! interact n: oh geez, these are pretty expensive. i'd love tohelp you out, but i think i left my wallet in the fridge. maybe there's some jobs available in town. j: why'd you leave your wallet in the fridge?! ok, music you need to come down a bit,narrator you can go up again, and sound effects was ok. ok. all the volumes started off at zero as well. so that when i started the game or when i like launched the game for the first time to see if it recorded properly, everything was at zero!
how do i get out? how do i- oh there we go. ok. jobs in town? aha! n: you decided to work in a strip club and shake your ass. j: *laughs* n: that sounds like a great idea. j: shake my booty! shake my moneymaker! oh god! n: oh my god you're doing a good job with this. j: oh god it's like ddr! yeah! n: oh god- j: look at me shake over there!
nice! so i don't get extra dollars if i get it perfect? nice! n: shake it baby! *club music* fuck yeah! look at me shake! n:...funny- j: oh god. i'm getting money! i'm getting tips! whoo! n: that's what i like to see. j: (imitating narrator w/ irish accent) that's what i like to see. you all having a good time? whoo!
this is fun! n: yes, keep shaking that ass, you whore.j: are you proud of me, ma? this is what it's all about. this is howjackaboy earns his money. he just dances around shakes his ass around. what am i at? 32. ok. i was at 31. uh! n: oh, i feel funny. j: oh! i almost missed that one. at least it's not speeding up. oh wait, it is speeding up, isn't it? n: oh my god, i feel a bit funny. j: oh god, oh god, don't speed up. oh, fuck, ok, time to concentrate now. n: yes, keep shaking that ass you whore. j: *laughs*, jesus dude, calm down!
look at my little dude dancing, he's so cute! n: oh my god, feeling a bit funny now! j: why do i look like a postman? yes! i have enough money. that's not going to stop me though! i have enough money for the bombs, but do i have enough money to show off what i'm really worth in life? can i start getting more money? can you start giving me like $2? this is fun. this is game. this gameplay. or at least give me two dollars if i get them perfect! so good!
hundred dollars! yeah. i'm gonna quit out of this now. i got a hundred dollars- "why are youstill here?" achievement unlocked. ok it's time to head out and go back no gun dudes. no gun dudes. #noguns. yes! cha-ching! it's bomb time baby! let's go back and kill this old lady. she deserves it though! she's too old, that's her problem. oh god, oh jesus. oh, i'm a fucking murdering bastardn: okay, that was um,
that was a bit messed up right there that you just did. that thing that you just did? right then? that- oh,-j: sorry looks like someone left a bunch of money on the ground, let's go pick it up! j: where? is this it? i don't know- oh. n: all right, that's it,you're not playing the game anymore. j: that wasn't money! okay! here we go! i'mma do this this time. by hook orby crook. this guy is not gonna stop me n:...virus free, they will do- j: why would coins have a virus in them to begin with?
n: just pick them up- j: ooohhh! n: just find out what happens and you'll probably get- j: fuck! n: funny! let's find out- j: gonna keep doing this. can we actually win if i keep doing this? watch- no *laughs* dude, stop talking. shut up! i wish there was a button where i could turn off the comment- n: *chuckles* oh, i forgot to mention, coins kill you in this game, you stupid moron j: that dude's m- n: that's another test to go into the game's files- j: ok. i have to figure out a way of jumping up over that and then jumping again to make sure that the fuckin' spiky dudes don't hit me.
but if this dude wasn't nattering in me fuckin' ear, i'd be able to do it! what's that? you love suckin' dick? dude! that's not, that's not n:...think it's such a great thing- j: oh ok, so i have to jump, and then jump again just hup and then hup. ye gotta jump and then jump again. i know i'm talking over the narrator, but i'm so sick of his sass. so sick of his shit, that i'm not listening to him anymore! n: the way you died, it's actually kind of- j: how???
n: oh, looks like someone left a bunch of money on the ground. j: looks like someone left a load of dicks in your mouth! *tiss* got him. *quietly* ah, okay whoo. hoo. hoo yes. yes! oh god. how in the blue balls am i supposed to do that??? that are the suck! that are the sucky suck!
oooohh! aaaaaaah! that's it! controller time baby! ok. now i think i have to jump over and then... jump back? *whispers* oh god n: i feel so- j: aw i was fine! you can actually jump on the edge and it doesn't hit you. so i can jump on the very, very, very, edge. cool n:...money and also possible-
j: dude, everyone 's sick of your shit who's sick of the narrator? me! n:...or the voice in your head but whatever you prefer. christ! how many times- j: ah, ha, ha, i had that! this is gonna be the fucking death of me! i can do it! i got it! focus! n:... see what happens- wooo mama! shut the fuck up before i shut you up! i'm having dã©jã vu all of a sudden. i'm gonna die.
yeah! hup! do not- do not spit things at me. nnn oh god! don't do it, don't do it,don't do it! come on! n: amazing! you actually crash the game oh wow i am so proud of you. j: what? n: oh, terrific job! j: "what is the problem related to? please specify."n: -sigh- hold on! -sigh- j: what are we doing? "details": "what happened?" to- okay i didn't even get to read that, some of it was funny.
am i okay? don't make me do that again. n: you know i've always thought signs would be a cool enemy i've always thought signs to just bethe coolest enemy to ever be put into a game and so, just for this special occasion,just for this game, and just for you, hero, for crashing the ga- oh! did i just hear you- j: oh, you said signs. n:...would be a cool enemy-j: i thought you said science n:...played those- j: fuck you science. ok, so wegotta go, we gotta go past, and then jump! n: i always read them- j: jump! n: oh god, watch out- j: constantly jump. constantly j- aaahhh!
you can't do that! you can't attack me with something off screen that's bad design! i'mma do it! i'mma beat ya, narrator! you see these fists? well, you can't see them right now. n: oh god watch out. j: okay. i turned the narrator off, because he's an absolute asshole and i can't listen to him! are you gonna fire lightning at me? yes. oh, that's fine, that's fine mr. cloud, i didn't need anything. what the-? what? what?! what?!
oh, how did i do that? oh a fucking app- ok. everything is bad apples. everything is terrible apples. how did i do that? i dodged everything by accident! oh god. o-oh god. oh, ah! fuck it! okay. okay. i got it. i got i- ooh lightning. i almost forgot. aahh! huh, huh, ha, ha, ha!you see the determination in my eyes? i gotta jump when the sound is made.
huh! yes! *very high pitched* i'm the best! around yes! there's spikes in the ground. ohhh not today sonny boy! oh god. that was the risky one, 'cause i didn't know if this bikes gonnacome out when i got near- are you gonna- okay i thought that cloud- *gasp* fuckin' apples! thought cloud up there was gonna fire lightning at me
i can fucking do this i can do it i'mthe best at stupid mustache man simulator yeah wow come on just just just just too hardthank god there we go no it scares me got it was there i thought it was thenext time a speedrun speed i'm too good that's my problem that's what every time i went to dosomething in life it was like oh i'm just too good
sorry oh ki smokers yes ok then tab i can do this yeah oh thank god hello little tiny sir man i'm interactwith you or not okay this is weird i do not trust addany of you dudes what is going on way you are the sameterrifying hello oh all wait fucking narrators off time to find themyou only just give it to him for a minute and then allah open the bridgefor you ok ok thank you
what open open the bridge ok keep forgetting that there's anarrator around knew that isn't tom oe serious no that's not how i have tofind a guy named tom you that is not what was it that soundedproper yes i can click on them anymore nice job with the bridge thanks do don'tfall don't fall don't fall don't fall don't fall yes i did it ok the coin still kill me that's fine that's fine that's goodthat's nice
hello tom's about what the absoluteflock haha you should totally collect thiscoin it's the only one in the entire game that won't kill you do we trust him he's that is the onlyone in the entire game they won't kill me do we trust him yes or no the coin mightkill me but the sign will about you i feel like this collecting the coin isthe only way to progress of all the shots shots there's something in here there's something all of the little tinyones i didn't even realize those guys
down that's adorable ok i'm going back ok maybe not maybe i'm not come on i'm not trusting you with that fuckingcoin i knew i shouldn't have trusted you iknew i shouldn't trust an area called the narrator is a dick that the narratoris a truth-telling person ok i'm coming across heads now i don'tknow dude what is going on that file sorry sorry bad potty mouth jack herefor id you know you've been through a lot and i
all sauce fight wait mother'god that ihate you i hate you so much are you gonna get big again oh no whyyou're ready hurry up god i hate this i hate thisquick activate the mom got it got it got it i didn't died from the obviousobvious obstacle how the hell does that happen i killed me with this fucking bomb canyou trigger faster please come on yes sort of a dick it's fine don't getangry to get angry at the game just play the game the way to me to theplate nice yes got good come on come on
he's not dead yet oh look for killer andso sick and dodging shit i mean it's not that hurt the same shitover and over again but still yeah oh oh god i thought it was going tosend me over gonna kill me write the ending it a good job on that last fighti guess i'll talk to you in oh god oh yes your trust me what's onthat last fight i guess i'll talk to you and easy level ball shite not really paul paul good job on naturalshit boss gets hotels you an easy level now but you were the most accurate
nice nice nice nice so many nice things happening to meright now yeah that's that one doing ok i don'teven care what the narrator saying i want to get on with this i don't trust anything ok i could trust all of these now yay yay yay yay i was a good one i was a clever one ihate you why were one of gress back okay if iwait for the thing to shoot first
black ok i can do it i can do it i cando anything to do yeah yeah what up yeah maybe not yes boy yes i dice up by pure fluke by pure accident yes you see how i passed these levels withsheer fucking dumb look i can't be doing that to me you cat don't know no not accepting thisbullshit forgot again i forgot what was happening
i i i've turn you all into service nice no let me go i fucking knew it but it's not the first fight go i waslike hey you think that second one is going to move yeah probably you better .no debt everything is - yeah h-he was driving and scene ma'am i little tiny feeders stuck out mya postman by the way my just like delivering letters suck on both of mytesticles
give me a good time make me feel nice yes ahahahahaha fjahejepahe! i... ahahaha! so i'm just turned into a fucking noisemaking machine know huh somebody that's all i ever was oh juststood there is no commentary anymore it's just me making fucking weird faces and nosiesand everything *deep breath* yes no fuck it i'm done i'm done fuck you game oh severeties open sager beanyway that was um what was the name of the game
oh yeah the narrator is a dick fuck thenarrator you listening? i think he heard me okay, we'll i'm going to leave this episode here thisgame is weird and i don't like it well i do but i hated at the same timeit's all those games that's fun to play then after a while when you can preakfjk- pass a level when you can't english either just nipples all so twisted anyway thank you guys so much forwatching this episode if you liked it punch that like button in the face like a boss, and... hi fives all round! well thank you guys and i will see all you dudes in the next video! you didnt hear anything, ye didn't hear anything! oh god thats creepy!
you have masks on! uh oh... can i go? if any of you have any complaints aboutthe game, send your queries to 1 800 fuck the narrator! (yay :d) *ends*