Rugs For Little Girl Room Bible




Rugs For Little Girl Room Bible

first of all i always like to tell folk i’mnot giving this testimony because i have any ill feeling in my heart toward the roman catholicpeople. i couldn’t be a christian if i still had bitterness in my heart. god deliveredme from all bitterness and strife and delivered me out of all of that one day and made himselfreal to me, and the power of the holy spirit. and so, when i give this testimony i’m givingit because after god saved me he delivered

Rugs For Little Girl Room Bible, me out of the convent and out of bondage anddarkness. the lord laid the burden upon my heart to give this testimony that others mightknow what cloistered convents are. and so, as you listen carefully this afternoon, itrust i will not say one thing that will leave any feeling in your heart whatsoever thati don’t carry a burden for the roman catholic

people. i don’t like the things they do,i don’t agree with the things that they teach, but i covet their soul for jesus. i’m interestedin their souls. i believe jesus went to calvary. he died that you and i might know him. andtheir souls are just as precious as your soul and my soul. so i’m interested. first of all, as we slip into this testimony,having been born in roman catholicism, not knowing anything else, not knowing the wordof god because we didn’t have a bible in our home, we had never heard anything aboutthis wonderful plan of salvation. and so, naturally, i grew up in that roman catholichome as a child, knowing only the catechism, knowing only the teaching of the roman catholicchurch. and, because i loved the lord, and

because i wanted to do something for him,i wanted to give him my life. i didn’t know of any other way for a roman catholic girlto give her life to god other than entering a convent, and through going to the confessionalbox where, naturally, i’m under the influence of my father-confessor, the roman catholicpriest, his influence over my life. one day i made up my mind through his influenceand one of my teachers in the parochial school that i wanted to be a little sister. at thattime i thought of being a sister of the open order, but as i went on into this, up untilthe time i took my white veil, sixteen and a half years of age, everything was beautiful.i really didn’t have any fear in my heart whatsoever. everything that was taught tome was seemingly along the line that i had

been taught in the church before i enteredthe convent. and so one day, after having been, uh, after making up my mind to entera convent, i remember that particular day, two of the sisters came home with me fromschool. they were my teachers. and when we arrived at my father’s home that afternoonour father-confessor was in the home likewise. i often say when i was a little girl childrenwere seen and not heard. you didn’t talk when you was a child, at least in my family,in my home unless you were spoken to. and i remember i listened to them carry on a conversation,and then i moved over close enough to my father to i asked him if i could say something.and that was a bit out of the ordinary. and he permitted me to talk and i said, “dad,i want to go into a convent.” and i will tell

you that priest took it up quickly. he hadalready been influencing me. my father broke down and began to cry, not because he’s sad,but he’s very happy. my mother came over and took me in her arms and she, too, wepttears. she’s very happy. those were not tears of sadness because to think her little girlwas giving her life to the convent to pray for lost humanity. and naturally my familywere very thrilled about it, and i was too. but, anyway i didn’t go for a year afterthat and then the time come when i got myself ready and my mother prepared things for me.and so i entered the convent. they took me and we didn’t have a place closeenough to my father and mother’s home so i think they took me around a thousand milesaway from home where i entered a convent boarding

school. i lacked about 3 months being 13 yearsof age. just a little girl. i look back on it now and i think, “my!” homesick? i wasso homesick, why my mother and daddy, they stayed three days with me and when they lefti became so homesick! naturally. and why shouldn’t i? just a baby away from home. when i wasa little girl, you know i never spent a night away from my mother, and i surely had nevergone any place without my family. and naturally there was a close tie in our family and iwas very lonely and very homesick. but i’ll never forget that after mother told me good-byeand i knew they were travelling a long distance away from me, and i had never realized inmy heart, “i’ll never see them again!” naturally i hadn’t planned it like that because i hadplanned to be a sister of the open order.

but, if you’ll listen carefully to this portionof the testimony, then you’ll understand just why i’m saying some of the things isay. now oftentimes we say that the priest selects his material through the confessionalbox, because at seven years of age i went to confessional. seven years of age i wouldalways, when i came into the church, first i’d slip over to the feet of the crucifix,or rather to the virgin mary, and then over at the feet of the crucifix and i’d ask thevirgin mary to help me make a good confession, because i was a child and my heart was honest.and i knew the priest had taught us to always make a good confession. keep nothing back.tell everything if i expected absolution from any sin that i might have committed. and soi would ask the virgin mary to help me make

a good confession. i would ask then jesusto help me make a good confession. and you know, i’ll assure you, after i’d lived inthe convent for a short period of time now i had to go on with my schooling. i had just finished the eighthgrade and they promised to give me a high school education and some college education.but, i didn’t get much college, i got mostly just high school training. and they gave thatto me alright. i took it under some terrible difficulties and strains and all of that.it was terribly difficult. but they gave it to me for which i appreciate very very much.but i’ll assure you that after they put me through the crucial training that we mustgo through just to become a little novitiate entering a convent. the training is really,it’s outstanding as far as a nun is concerned

and you know what it’s all about after you’vebeen in there a little while. so now i’ve entered the convent and for justa few minutes i want to tell you just how we lived, what we eat, how we sleep. if itake you into the convent and tell you those things you’ll understand a little bit moreabout my testimony. at first as i entered the convent as a small child i went on toschool, but i was being trained. but the day came when i was fourteen and a half. the mothercame to me and she began to tell me about the white veil. and i didn’t know too muchabout it, but in taking the white veil they told me that i would be becoming the spouseor bride of jesus christ. there would be a ceremony and i would be dressed in a weddinggarment. and on this particular morning they

told me at nine o’clock they would dressme up in a wedding garment. now you’re wondering where that come from and how they get thewedding clothes for the little nuns? the mother superior sits down and writes a letter tomy father and tells him how much money she wants. and then whatever she asks, my fathersends it. the little buying sister goes out and buys the material and the wedding gownis made by the nuns of the cloister. i’m still open order now. and of course whatevershe asked, now you say, “did they spend all the money for the wedding gown?” well, ofcourse we don’t know these things in the very beginning of our testimony, but afterwe live in a convent for a little while we learned to know they could ask my father fora hundred dollars and he’d send it. they

wouldn’t but maybe a third of that for thewedding garment. they would keep the rest of it and my father would never know the difference.neither did i until i lived in the convent for a period of time and i had to make someof the wedding clothes and then i knew the value of them and what they cost. and i knewthe of money that came in because i was one of the older nuns. well, alright, the timecame, of course, when i walked down that aisle and i was dressed in a wedding garment. nowyou know in the convent i used to walk the fourteen stations of the cross- the fourteensteps that jesus carried the cross to calvary. but after i had made up my mind to take thewhite veil, never again did i walk. i wanted to be worthy. i wanted to be holy enough tobecome the spouse or the bride of jesus christ.

and so i would get down on my knees and crawlthe fourteen stations. quite a distance, but i crawled them every friday morning. i feltit would make me holy. i felt it would drawl me closer to god. it would make me worthyof the step that i was going to take. and that’s what i wanted more than anything elsein the world. i would like to impress upon your heart, every little girl that entersthe convent that i know anything about. that child has a desire to live for god. that childhas a desire to give her heart, mind, and soul to god. now many, many people make thisremark and we hear it from various types of folk who say only bad women go into convents.that isn’t true. there are movie stars who go into convents. they’ve lived out in theworld, and no doubt they are sinners and all

of that. but they go in when they are women.they know what they are doing. and they go in only because the roman catholic churchis going to receive, not only thousands, but yea it will run up into the millions of dollars.they don’t mind who they take in if they can get a lot of money out of that individual.but the ordinary little girl that goes in as a child, she’s just a child and she goesin there with a heart and mind and soul just as clean as any child could be. i say thatbecause sometimes you hear a lot of things that are really not true. now after we becomethe spouse of jesus christ, i want you to listen carefully to this and then you canfollow me into the rest of the testimony. we are now looked upon as married women. weare looked upon as married women. we are the

spouse or the bride of jesus christ. now thepriest teaches every little girl that will take the white veil, they’ll become the brideof christ. he teaches her to believe that her family will be saved. it doesn’t makeany difference how many banks they’ve robbed, how many stores they’ve robbed. it doesn’tmake any difference how they drink and smoke and carouse and live out in this sinful worldand do all the things that sinners do. it doesn’t make a bit of difference. still ourfamily will be saved if we continue to live in the convent and give our lives to the conventor to the church we can rest assured that every member of our immediate family willbe saved. and you know there are many little children that are influenced and enticed togo into convents because we realize it is

the salvation for our families. and sometimes,even (in) roman catholic families, the children grow up and leave the roman catholic churchand go out into the deepest of sin. and so, every little girl that enters the conventis hoping by her sacrificing so much, home and loved ones, mother and daddy, everythingthat a child loves, her family will be saved regardless of what sins they commit. and ofcourse we are children and our minds are immature and we don’t know any better. and it’s soeasy to instill things like this into the hearts and minds of little children and thepriest is- he’s really good at it. and, of course, we look upon our priest, our father-confessor,i looked upon him as god. he’s the only god i knew anything about, and to me he was infallible.i didn’t think he could sin. i didn’t think

that he would lie. i didn’t think that heever made a mistake. i looked upon him as the holiest of holy because i didn’t knowa god, but i did know the roman catholic priest, and to me, i looked to him for everythingthat i asked of god, so to speak. i believed the priest could give it to me. and so theday comes when all of us now, as we’re going in (i want you to listen carefully) aftertaking the white veil things are beautiful. i’m sixteen and a half years of age. everyone’sgood to me and i’m living in the convent and i haven’t seen anything yet because nolittle girl, we’re not subject to a roman catholic priest until we are 21 years of age,and as we give you this next vow then you’ll understand we don’t know about this. thisis kept from the little sisters until we’ve

taken our black veils and then it’s too late.i don’t carry the key to those double doors and there’s no way for me to come out. thepriest will tell all over the whole united states and other countries that sisters, ornuns rather, can walk out of convents when they want to. i spent 22 years there. i dideverything there was to do to get out. i’ve carried tablespoons with me into the dungeonsand tried to dig down into that dirt, because there’s no floors in those places, but i’venever yet found myself digging far enough to get out of a convent with a tablespoonand that’s about the only instrument. because when we’re using the spade, and we do haveto do hard heavy work, when we use a spade we’re being guarded. we’re being watchedby two older nuns and they’re going to report

on us and i’ll assure you’re not going totry to dig out with a spade. you wouldn’t get very far anyway because they made or builtthose convents so little nuns can not escape. that was their purpose in building them asthey build them. and there’s no way for us to get out unless god makes a way. but i believegod’s making a way for numbers of little girls after they come out of the convent. alright, now when the time comes, i thinki was 18 when the mother began talking to me, now i planned to come out, see, aftermy white veil. i wanted to be a little nursing sister in the roman church, but the mothersuperior, i suppose she was watching my life, i supposed she realized i had much endurance.i had a strong body and i believe the woman

was watching me because one day she askedme to come into her office and she began to tell me, “charlotte, you have a strong body.”and she said, “i believe you have the possibilities of making a good nun, a cloistered nun. ibelieve you’re the type that’d be willing to give up home, give up mother and daddy,give up everything you love out in the world, and the world (so to speak) and hide yourselfbehind convent doors, because i believe you’re the kind that would hide back there and bewilling to sacrifice and live in crucial poverty that you might pray for lost humanity.” she said, “i believe you’re the kind that’dbe willing to suffer.” we are taught to believe as nuns that we sufferour loved ones and your loved ones that are

already in a priest’s purgatory will be deliveredfrom purgatory sooner because of our suffering. she knew i was willing to suffer. i didn’tmurmur. i didn’t complain. she knew all of that and she’s watching my life and that’sthe reason she began to tell me about the black veil. and then of course, you know ididn’t know too much about a cloistered nun. i didn’t know their lives. i didn’t knowhow they live. i didn’t know what they’ve done. but you know, this woman proceeded totell me- now you hear a lot of people try to tell me in the various places where wetravel and go, i hear a lot of roman catholics try to tell me “i’ve been in so many cloisters.i know all about them.” but you know a roman catholic can lie to you and they don’t haveto go to confession and tell the priest about

the lie that they’ve told because they’relying to protect their faith. they can tell any lie they want to to protect their faithand never go the confessional box and tell the priest about it. they can do more thanthat. they can steal up to 40 dollars and they don’t have to tell the priest aboutit. they don’t have to say one word about it in the confessional box. they’re taughtthat. every roman catholic knows it and every roman catholic (you’d be horrified if youknow how many of them) steal up to that amount. and many of them lie. we’ve dealt with them.i’ve dealt with hundreds and hundreds of them. i’ve seen good many of them fall inat the altar and cry out to god to save them. and, you know, before they’re saved theylook into my face and hold my hand and lie

to me. but after god gets a hold of theirheart then they want to make right what they’ve told me because they realize that they’velied about it. but as long as they’re roman catholic they’re permitted to lie. and it’sthe saddest thing. you can’t expect them to know god because god does not condone sin.i don’t care who you are. i don’t believe god condones sin and i don’t believe he’sgoing to condone it in the roman catholic people, even though they are being misledand they’re being blinded and being led in the way that’s going to lead them into adevil’s hell. i believe that will all of my heart because i’ve lived in a convent.i know something about how those people live and what they do.

now the day comes. she told me, “charlotte,you have to be willing to spill your blood as jesus shed his upon calvary.” she said,“you’ll have to be willing to do penance, heavy penance.” she said, “you’ll have tobe willing to live in crucial poverty.” now already i’m living in a bit of poverty,but i thought that was going to make me holy and draw me close to god and would make mea better nun. and so i’m willing to live in that poverty. and then, on this particularmorning, she told me what i would be wearing. she said, “you’ll spend nine hours in a casket”and she explained a number of things to me. that’s the most i knew about it and i didn’tfind that out until i’d taken my white veil. and so, on this particular morning i’m 21years of age. but 60 days previous to my being

21 years of age, i’m going to sign some papersthat they’ve placed in front of me. and those papers are this: i’m going to sign away everybit of inheritance that i might have received from my family after their death. of coursei signed that over to the roman catholic church. and oftentimes i say the roman catholic priestsare enticing girls, not only their background, not only their strong bodies, their strongminds, and strong wills, but he’s enticing girls where mothers and fathers have muchproperty and they are comfortably fixed with the material things of this life. why? becausewhen that child enters the convent, they’re going to get a portion of her money, of herfather’s money and i often say that even salvation in the roman catholic church isgoing to cost you plenty of money. more than

you know anything about. and so they don’tmind commercializing off of that child and the inheritance that would have come to her.and so on this particular morning i told the mother superior, “give me a little while tothink it over.” she didn’t make me do it. no one did. but i thought it over for a coupleyears and then one day i told her, “i think i’m going to hide away behind the conventdoors because i believe i could give more time to god. i could pray more.” i believed i could be in a position wherei could inflict more pain upon my body because we are taught to believe that god smiles downout of heaven as we do penance, whatever the suffering might be. and i didn’t know anybetter because i often say, “if you could

only look into the hearts of little nuns,if you are a christian you would immediately cry out before god in behalf of those littlegirls,” because to me we are heathens. it doesn’t make any difference, the amount ofeducation we have. we are still heathens. we know nothing about this lovely christ,nothing about the plan of salvation. and we’re living as hermits in the convent. and so on this particular morning i come walkingdown an aisle again. and may i say the morning before, i can’t go into it too deeply becausei never would be able to cover enough of it so you could understand it, but this morningi’m walking down that aisle, but i don’t have a wedding garment on. i have a funeralshroud. it’s made of dark red velvet and

it’s way down to the floor. and i’m walkingdown that aisle. i know what i’m going to do. the casket is already made by the nunsof the cloister of very rough boards. it is sitting right out here and i know when i comedown there i’ll step in that casket and lay my body down and i’m going to spend ninehours in there. and two little nuns will come and cover me up with a heavy black cloth wecalled a heavy drape mortel and you know it’s so heavily incensed that i feel like i’vesmothered to death. and i have to stay there. now i know when i come out of that casketi’ll never leave the convent again. i know i’ll never see my mother and father again.i’ll never go home again. i’ll always live behind convent doors and when i die my bodywill be buried there. they told me that, so

i knew it even before i done it. it’s a greatprice to pay, then to find out that convents are not religious orders as we were taughtand as we were trained. it’s quite a disappointment to a young girl that’s given her life togod, and willing to give up so much and sacrifice so much. i’ll assure you, it was a disappointment.and so after i spent those nine hours- you’ll say, “what’d you do while you lay in thatcasket?” what do you think i did? i spilled every tearin my body. i remembered every lovely thing my mother done for me. i remembered her voice.i remembered the gathering around the table. i remembered the times when she would praywith us. i remembered the things that she said to me. i remembered what a marvelouscook she was. everything as a little girl

growing up in that home, i remembered it.laying in that casket, knowing i’ll never hear her voice again and i’ll never see herface again. i’ll never put my feet under her table again and enjoy her good cooking.i knew all that and so maybe for four hours i spilled all the tears in my body becauseit was so hard and i knew i’d get homesick. i knew i’d want to see her someday, but igave it all up. what for? for the love of god, i thought. i didn’t know any better.and i’ll assure you those were nine long hours. and then i seemingly got a hold ofmyself and i thought this, “charlotte, now you’re going to make the best carmelite nun!”because everything i’ve done, even (now) that i’m out of the convent, i do give my best.i try to give everything that i have regardless

what i might do. and so i did in the convent.i gave the best that i had. and i wanted to be the best nun that i could possibly be.and the mother superior knew that and, don’t worry, the priest knew all about that too. now i realized after i walk out of that casketor come out of it they’re going to take me like this, over here, and right back herethere’s a room. we call it the mother superior’s room. now i’ve never been in that particularroom, so i don’t know what she has in there. but, you know, when i walk in there this timethe mother superior sits me down in a straight backed, hard-bottomed chair and immediatelythen i’m going to take three vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience. and you know, asi take those vows she opens a little place

in the lobe of my ear and she takes out aportion of blood because i must sign every vow in my own blood. and after that happensi’m going to take the vow of poverty. now when i sign that vow i sign it thus and i’mwilling to live in crucial poverty the balance of my life, as long as i live. and what thatpoverty is like, of course we [the nuns undergoing initiation] don’t know. and then my next vow,i’m going to vow of chastity. and you know this vow, of course you know what it means.i’m taught to believe that i’m married to jesus christ. i’m his bride. i’ll always remaina virgin. i’ll never legally marry again in this world because i have become the spouseor the bride of jesus christ. after the bishop married me to christ he placed the ring onmy finger and that meant i’m sealed to christ.

i’m married to him and i accepted it becausei didn’t know any better. and now here i am taking a vow that i would always remain avirgin because i’m the bride of christ. and i want you to listen carefully. and then,of course my last vow- of obedience. now when we signed that vow, i’ll assure you alreadyi know what obedience means. i’m living in a convent and there they demand absolute obedience.you don’t get by with anything, not even for two minutes. i mean you don’t get by withit. you have to realize what obedience means and they demand it and you learn to know itand you’re much wiser the more quickly you learn it and you obey it and you give themabsolute obedience. alright, now what does it mean to assign vowslike this? let me tell you this. it means

more than you folk will ever know becausemost people that i know anything about, they know very little about obedience. oh in asense, yes, but you’ll never know what a little nun knows about obedience, i’ll assure youthat one thing unless you lived in the convent. alright, that particular vow, when i signedit in my own blood, it done something to me because after i signed those vows do you realizethat i’ve signed away everything that i have? my human rights. i have become a mechanicalhuman being now. i can’t sit down until they tell me to. i don’t dare to get up until theytell me to. i can’t lie down until they tell me to and neither do i dare to get up. i cannoteat until they tell me to. and what i see, i don’t see. what i hear, i don’t hear. whati feel, i don’t feel. i’ve become a mechanical

human being, but you’re not aware of thatuntil you have signed all these vows. then you realize, “here i am, a mechanical humanbeing.” and of course i belonged to rome now, i’ll assure you that right now. alright, after these particular vows we becomeforgotten women of the convent. in just a short while you’ll understand what i’m talkingabout. now immediately after i’ve taken those vows then the mother superior is going togive me- take away from me, my name and give me the name of a patron saint. and she teachesme to believe that whatever happens to me in the convent i can pray to that patron saintand she will intercede and get my prayers through to god because i’m not holy enoughto stand in the presence of god. it is no

wonder the dear little nuns can never getclose enough to god. we’ve always been taught that we’ll never be holy enough to stand inhis presence and we always have to go through somebody else in order to get a prayer throughto god. and we believe it because we don’t know any better. and so now, all identificationof who charlotte was is going to be put away. it’ll be taken away from me, and if you wouldcome into the convent and call for my family name, they’d tell you there isn’t such a personthere. i don’t exist, even though i’m right there, because i’m writing under another name. now the mother superior is going to cut everybit of hair off of my head, and when she cuts it with the scissors she puts the clipperson it. and i mean there’s nothing left. i

don’t have one speck of hair left on my head.and of course if you could be a nun then you’d understand the heavy headgear that we haveto wear- it’d be so cumbersome to have hair and so cumbersome to take care of it. we don’thave any ways of taking care of it in the convent. there are no combs in the convent.and so you can imagine how hard it would be for us to take care of a head of hair. it’snot necessary that we have a comb after they’ve finished with it. alright, now this is myblack veil, these are my perpetual vows, we’ll call them. i’m there and i’m going to staythere. now, you know, up until this time, once amonth i received a letter from my family and i wrote a letter out of the convent once amonth to my family, even though when i’d write

that letter i had no doubt they marked outa lot of it because when i would receive a letter from my family there was so much ofit blacked out until there was no sense to the letter and, oh, i’d weep over those blackmarks. i was wondering what my mother was trying to say to me. don’t worry. you’ll neverget to know what she wanted to say to you because they have blacked it out. and so theybreak your heart many, many times and you’re lonely anyway because you have no friendsin the convent. i’ll assure you, even though there was 180 on my particular wing, not oneof those nuns was my friend and neither was i friend to them because we are not allowedto be friends in the convent we are all policemen or detectives watching each other. that’sso we’ll tell. and the little nun that finds

something to tell on the other nun, she standsin good favor with the mother superior. and then the mother teaches that nun to believe(that) when she stands in good favor with the mother superior she is standing in goodfavor with god. and so that little nun, of course, will want that and she’ll tell a lotof things, maybe that are not even true, on the other little nuns. alright. now after all of this has transpiredand all of this has happened everything i have is gone. i’ve sold my soul for a messof theological pottage, because not only are we destroyed in our bodies. many of us inour minds. and many of us, if we die in the convent, we’ve lost our souls. and so it’sa serious thing and i’ll surely covet your

prayers for little cloistered nuns behindconvent doors. they’ll never hear this gospel. they’ll never know the christ that you folkknow tonight or today. they’ll never pray to him as you people pray to him. they’llnever feel his blessings as you people feel them. and so put them on your hearts and prayfor them. they surely need much prayer. alright now as i walk into this room and allof this is transpiring, now, bless your hearts, i don’t know what’s going to be in the nextroom after this has transpired and i have taken the vows that i will always remain avirgin, i’ll never legally marry in this world because i’m the spouse of christ. and then,after this, the mother superior leads me out into another room or, rather, she opens thedoor and i’m to be sent into that room. and

when i walk out in that room i see somethingi have never seen before. i see a roman catholic priest dressed in a holy habit. and he walksover to me and he locks his arm in my arm which he has never done in the first partof my convent life. i never had a priest to insult me in any way. i never had one of themto be even unkind to me in the first part of my convent experience. but here he is now,and of course i didn’t understand what it was all about and i didn’t know what in theworld the man really expected of me. and, you know, i pulled from him because i felthighly insulted. and i pulled from him and i said, “shame on ya (you)!” and i made him veryangry for a minute and he said, uh, immediately the mother superior must have heard my voicebecause she came out immediately and she said,

“oh,” (and they called me by my church name)she said, “after you’ve been in the convent a little while you won’t feel this way. therest of us felt the same way you do and you know the priest’s body is sanctified, andtherefore it is not a sin for us to give the priests our bodies.” in other words, they teach every little nunthis: “as the holy ghost placed the germ in mary’s womb, jesus christ was born. so thepriest, is the holy ghost and therefore it isn’t sin to bear his (priest) children.”and let me tell you, that’s what they come to the convent for. no other purpose inall of this world do priests come into the convent but to rob those precious little girlsof their virtue. and i’ll assure you, we’ll

be telling you a little later in the testimonywhat they really do after they come in under those particular deals. but may i say nowevery bridge has been burned out from under me. there’s no way back. i can’t get out ofthe convent even though i’ve pled. oh, how i pled with that priest! “send for my father,i want to go home! i don’t want to go any farther.” and let me tell you, that’s whenyou stand alone. you don’t know who to turn to and you’re a victim of circumstances andyou’ll live in the convent because there is no other way to get out of the convent. andi’ll assure you, i stayed in the convent until god made a way for me to come out. and so, after all of this, my mail was stopped.i’ll never receive another bit of mail from

my family. never another letter. i belongto the pope. i belong to rome. and then, after all of this, the mother superior after takingthese particular vows and the priest has invited me to go to the bridal chamber. you say, “didyou go?” no. definitely not. i didn’t enter the convent to be a bad woman. it would havebeen much easier to have stayed out of the convent to be a bad woman. you wouldn’t gointo the convent and live in the poverty we live in and to suffer as we suffered to bea bad woman. no girl would do that and it would have been much easier to stay out ofthe convent if i wanted to be a bad woman, but i went there to give my life and heartto god and that was the only purpose i had in going there. and here this priest is, andof course i didn’t go to the bridal chamber

with him. i had a strong body then. one ofus would have been wounded because i would have fought until the last drop of blood.and you know it made them very, very angry i’ll assure you because i didn’t go to thebridal chamber with him. now i’m going to have to go to penance thenext morning and of course this will be a heavier penance because of what i done already.and when the mother superior says, “we’re going to do penance,” the next morning i’mgoing to be initiated as a carmelite nun. and i remember when she walked me down intothat particular place it was a dark room. remember, i lived above, one the first flooruntil my black veil. after the black veil they take me one story under the ground. andi lived from there on, until god delivered

me, under the ground. i didn’t live in thetop part of this building at all. you know, as we walked into this room it’s dark andit’s very cold. and when we walked in we came from back there somewhere and we come walkingto the front and i walked alongside the mother superior and when we got near the front isaw those little candles burning. anywhere in the convent you’ll find the seven candlesburning. and when i came a little closer i saw the candles but i couldn’t see anythingelse and i wondered, “what’s she going to do to me?” that’s the thing in our heartsand we can’t get away from it because we have fear. and when i come a little closer i saw somethinglying on a board there. and you know when

i came real close then i realized, here’sa little nun lying on that board. i’ll call it a cooling board because it was that. andjust as long as her body. and there she was and when i could see where the candles flickereddown on her face i realized, “that child is dead!” and oh, i wanted so much to say, “howdid she die? why is she here? how long do you keep her here?” but you remember i signedaway every human right and so i can’t say one word, but i stood looking. and the mothersuperior said, “you stand vigil over this dead body for one hour.” and at the end ofthe hour a little bell is tapped and another nun will come to relieve me. and may i sayi was advised every so many minutes i have to walk out in the front of that little bodyand sprinkle holy water and ashes over the

body and say, “peace be unto you.” and i did exactly what they told me to do.oh, it was a terrible feeling. i’m not afraid of the dead. it’s the live people we haveto be very cautious about. and i wasn’t afraid of that little dead nun, but oh, my heartached for her. and you know after the bell tapped and i realized my hour is gone thenun who comes to relieve us comes back here somewhere and of course she walks on her tiptoes.no noise is made in the convent and they don’t speak, they just touch you. and, of course,my being down there with that little dead nun i was full of fear. well that girl laida hand on my shoulder, i let out a scream, a horrible scream from fear, just fear. ididn’t mean to do it. i didn’t break that

rule on purpose, but i was scared. and immediately, of course i had to come beforethe mother superior and that’s when i first learned to know, one of the first times abouta dungeon. they didn’t tell me there were dungeons in the convent. and she put me insuch a dirty dark place with no floor in it for three days and nights. and i didn’t getany food and any water, and i’ll assure you, i didn’t scream any more. i tried so hardnot to break the rules of screaming because there is a dungeon and i know they’ll putyou in it. and let me tell you right now, it’s not a nice place to be. after you’vebeen in one of those places, you’ll know what it feels like.

alright, now, i’ll say this now before i goany further, that popery is a masterpiece of satan. i said it’s a masterpiece of satanwith his lying wonders and his traditions and his deceptions. it’s a terrible thingwhen you know about it. and so, as i come down into this room andshe took me and let me look at this little girl, and that particular, we call it a penanceis over. now the very next morning she said again to me, “charlotte, you’re going to dopenance.” (not the next morning, it was three days afterwards because i spent three daysand nights in the dungeon). so the fourth, fifth morning, whichever it was she said,“you’re going to do penance.” she took me down into another room. not thesame room. and when we come walking down this

time i could see that big piece of wood buti didn’t know what it was. and when i came a little closer there was a cross. it wasmade of heavy timber. i might say it was eight or ten feet high. very heavy. and that crosswas sitting on an incline like that. and she had me walk over here at the base of the crossand she said, “now strip your clothes off.” and i took my clothes off down to my waistline.then she made me drape my body over the foot of that cross and she pulled my hands underneathand bound them to my feet. that’s where i’m going to spill my blood. she had not toldme how, and neither could i ask how i would spill it. she gave two little nuns that camewith her, a flagellation whip. i might call it a bamboo pole. it’s about this long, it’sabout that big around, and it has six straps

on it about this long. on the end of either(each) of those straps there’s a crossed piece of sharp metal. and those little nuns, eachwas given one of those whips and they stood on either side of the cross. at the same timethose girls began whipping my body. and i mean when that metal hit my body it wouldbreak the hide of course. it would cut into the flesh and i spilled blood. it was runningdown to the floor. that’s my flagellation whipping. that is where i spill my blood asjesus did upon calvary. and of course i’m human, it wounded, it hurt! it was very painful. after the whipping is over, they don’t bathemy body. they put my clothing back on my body and i have to go the rest of the day. whenthe night comes and i stand in front of my

cell there, after we have to stand there toundress with our backs to each other, then when i went in, oh, i couldn’t sleep thatnight! i wasn’t a bit sleepy because i couldn’t take off all my clothes. they had dried inthose wounds and it was terrible. i didn’t take them off for several nights. and i’llassure you that when i came before my food i didn’t want my cup of black coffee. in the morning we get a cup of black coffeethey serve in a tin cup and we can have no milk or no sugar of any type and we have oneslice of bread. that’s made by the nuns of the cloister. they weigh it. it weighs fourounces [113.4 g.]. that’s all i get for breakfast. and then, of course, in the evening i geta bowl of soup, and that’s fresh vegetables

cooked together (there’s no seasoning in thesoup whatsoever) and a half a slice of bread and three times a week they give me a halfa glass of skim milk. that consists of my food 365 days in the year. and i began losingweight very rapidly, i’ll assure you, because i didn’t have enough food to eat. i don’tknow the day that i went to bed without a hungry stomach. sometimes it would be so hungryi couldn’t sleep. the pain was gnawing. you can’t hardly stand it and you know you’reonly going to get that one slice of bread the next morning. that doesn’t fill you up. and of course, we have to work hard all daylong. and i’ll assure you, those little nuns, and i covet your prayers for them, they needyour prayers in more ways than one because

you’ll go to bed with a full stomach tonightand you’re very comfortable right now. but i’ll assure you, there’s not one of them that’scomfortable. they’re hungry, and they’re sick, and they’re wounded, and they’re hurt. they’reheartsick and homesick and discouraged and, worst of all seemingly, they have no hope.no hope. you and i are looking forward to the day when we’re going to see jesus. theyhave no hope whatsoever and i surely hope you don’t forget to pray for them. alrightthat was terrible. i’ll assure you. then in a few mornings after this, the mothersuperior is taking me back for another initiation. and when i go into the penance chamber thismorning we come from a place up here and we’re going to walk along like that clear to theback. and you know, it was quite a ways back

there and i went through- part of it’s a tunnel.and then i come out into a room and i’ll walk through that railing. when i get way backthere i see those candles burning and i see something else. there’s ropes hanging downfrom the ceiling and, oh, i’m so scared! i wonder what the ropes are for and what she’sgoing to do. after these two penances, you began to have a lot of fear in your heart.and so i can’t say anything and i walk back there and, you know, i saw the ropes thenreal plain. what they’re doing hanging down from that ceiling? then she tells me, “you go over there againstthe wall.” about that close from the wall and i have to stand sideways like this. thenshe asks me to put up both of my thumbs and

i did. and then she pulled one rope down andthere’s a metal band fastened securely and she fastens that around the joint of my thumb.then the other one comes down and fastens around this thumb. and there i’m standinglike this, facing the wall and then, you know, she comes over here to the end and there’sa, uh, whatever you want to call it. she starts winding, and i start moving! and she’s takingme right up in the air. and, you know, when she gets me so just my toes are on the floor,just on my tiptoes, she fastens it. and there i hang. and all the weight of my body is onmy thumbs and on my toes. not a word is said. no one speaks a word. and she walks out ofthat room and locks the door. if you know what it means to hear a key lock in a doorand know that i’m strung up there like that!

you’ll never know unless you’re a nun. andwhen that woman walked out i didn’t know how long i’ll stay there, how long that womanwould leave me there. and, you know, they didn’t come to give me food. they broughtme no water. and i thought, “is this it? am i going to die back here just like this?” and within a few hours, you can imagine, i’mstill a human being, my muscles began to scream out with the pain. i was suffering. and womanlet me hang. nobody came near. and what good would it do for me to cry? you can spill everytear in your body. nobody will hear you. there’s nobody there to care how many tears you spill.and so i just hung there. and finally i began to, seemingly, i felt like i couldn’t standit. i’ll surely die if they don’t come and

get me quickly! and i felt as if i was beginningto swell. i don’t know how long went by and she openedthe door one morning and she had something for me to eat and the water was in a pan.and it was potatoes, and those potatoes were not good to eat. they were in a pan. and there’sa shelf over there on the wall that she can adjust to the height of the nun. and you know,she pulled it up. now (recall) i’m not against the wall. i’m about this far from it. butyou get that food. she puts it there and says, “this is your food.” and she walks out. now, how am i going to get it? she didn’tlet my hands down. but this is what you’ll learn and you’ll struggle to get it. i’m hungry.i’m so thirsty i feel like i’m going mad.

and to get it, i discovered that this handgoes high and this one will come down a little bit. and that’ll keep on going higher as ilean i have to reach higher with this one. this one (the other) will automatically letdown. and to get that water and that food i mean i had to get it like the dogs and cats.and i lapped as much of it as i could because i am so thirsty. and get those potatoes? itried as hard as i could because i’m hungry! i mean i’m hungry! and i got as much of itas i could, naturally. but i was hungry! that’s the way she fed me for a while, and then shereleased the bonds on my hands and on my feet- (i shouldn’t have said on my feet). she didn’trelease the bonds. she let me hang there for nine days and nine nights. (i almost got itmixed up with one of the other penances i

want to give to you). i hung nine days andnine nights in this position and, may i say, the time come when i was so swollen here (andnaturally i could see myself puffing out here) i felt like my eyes were coming out of myhead. i felt like my arms were apart. i could see on them right there they were two or threesize their normal size. i felt like i was that way all over my body and i was like aboil. i was in real suffering. and then on the ninth day she comes in andshe releases the bonds from my hands and my body and lets me down on the floor. now igo down, i can’t walk. i’ll assure you i didn’t walk. i didn’t walk for a long time. but youknow what? there’s two little nuns, they carry me out. one gets under my feet, one gets undermy shoulders and they carry me in to the infirmary

and they lay me on a slab of wood, and therethey cut the clothing from my body. and let me tell you right now, nobody but god willever know! i’m covered with vermin and filth. why? i’m hanging there in my own human filth.there are no toilet facilities [in the penance chamber]. right behind me is a stool and theyhad running water in it and the lid is down and they have sharp nails driven through thatlid. if i break my ropes and fall on that, i would suffer terribly! and this is the lifeof a little nun behind cloister doors after they’ve already deceived us, disillusionedus, and got us back there, then this is the life that we’re living and these are the thingsthat we’re going to have to do. and i’ll assure you, it isn’t anything funny.

and then i remember as i lived on in thatplace, oh let me tell you! in the morning we have to get up out of our beds at 4:30in the morning. the mother superior taps a bell and that means five minutes to dressand may i say to you folk, it’s not five a half minutes. you better get that clothingon in five minutes. i failed one time and i had to be punished severely, but i neverfailed again in all the years in the convent. and you know, when we are finished dressing,then we’re going to start marching. and we march by the mother superior and that mothersuperior’s going to appoint us to an office duty every morning. it might be scrubbing.it might be ironing. it might washing. it might be doing some hard work. but i haveto work one hour, then we’ll go in and gather

around the table and we’ll find, sitting infront of us, our tin cup full of coffee and our slice of bread. and then, of course, we have hard work todo. we have, i think there was 12 tubs in the convent that i lived in, and we washedon the old-fashioned washboard. we have the old flat iron that you heat on the stove.and you know, it wouldn’t be so bad if we just had our own clothing in the convent,but the priests bring great bundles of clothing and put them in there because they can getthem done for nothing. and we have to do that clothing on top of it. we work very, veryhard, and they [the nuns] are not able to work because they don’t have enough food toeat, food to keep body, mind, and soul together.

and these little girls are living under thoseparticular circumstances. well, i say we’re women without a country, and i mean just exactlywhat i say, women without a country. now we belong to the pope. anything they want toinflict upon my body they can do it. and all the howling i do, if i should howl, it wouldn’tmake any difference because nobody’s going to hear me, and they have no idea that i’llever leave the convent. the plan is i’ll die there and be buried there. now you say, “charlotte, can you go into theconvent?” any one of you folk can go into an open order convent or a closed conventinto the speak room, and there is an outside chapel that you can walk into, of any thati know anything about. but don’t you just

go in there and wander around to have someplace to go, because you might meet something you’re not expecting. if you go in there,you go prepared to take food to some little girl that’s in there, and be sure that youknow who you’re taking it to. and when you go, as you walk up toward the front of thebuilding like this, you’ll see a bell, and you’ll know what to do because it’ll tellyou. and you press a button there and there’ll be a gate swing out. it has about three shelveson it. and, of course you’ve brought something for someone that you know in the convent.it might be the mother coming to visit her daughter. and you know, when that bell istapped the mother superior is back here behind a big black rail. now that’s a big iron gatethere’s heavy folds of black material clear

across there and you can’t go back there.you’ll never see the mother superior, but she’ll answer you behind the black veil. andyou might say, “i’ve brought some homemade candy for my daughter,” and you might ask themother superior to let you speak to her. you can’t see here, but you can speak to her. you know, the mother will call that lovelylittle girl and call her out on the other side of the rail. you can’t see her. and youknow what? the mother will speak to her and say, “honey, are you happy here?” and that little nun will say, “mother, i amvery happy.” you say, “why did she say that?” well, blessyour heart! don’t you know that the mother

superior is standing there and if we didn’tsay that, after our mother is gone, then only god knows what the mother superior will doto the little nun, and so we must lie to our mother. then the mother will say, “do youhave plenty to eat?” and that little nun will answer and say, “we have plenty to eat.” but,i’ll tell you, that mother will go home. she’ll prepare a lovely meal for the rest of thefamily, but if she could look in and see our table and see what her little girl is eating,if she could look into her little girl’s eyes after she’s been there for four years. there’sa baby jesus and there’s a crucifix, and then we have a prayer board. and by the way, i’llassure you folk, you’ll never want to lean on our prayer board. we lean on it every dayif we are able to walk under our own power.

it is a board about this high from the groundand there are two leaning up like this one. and this one is about this wide and i’m goingto drop my knees down on it and there are sharp wires coming up through that board.and then, this one up here, i’ll prostrate my arms on. there’s going to be sharp wires.after all, i told you we were going to suffer. we were going to do penance, and this is apart of my suffering. as i kneel on that prayer board i’m praying for lost humanity and i’mbelieving, as i suffer, that my grandmother will be released from a priest’s purgatorysooner because of my suffering. and i’ll kneel there longer sometimes. it’s terrible. wedon’t know any better, so we’ll do that because that’s all that little nun does know, andwe believe it.

and there we are, and we are locked in ourcells. every night the key is turned in those doors. we can’t get up and come out of there.then, more than that, seven minutes of twelve (we go to bed at 9:30. the lights are out),seven minutes of twelve there’s two little nuns appointed to unlock every door. everylittle nun again gets on her feet, dresses in full dress, goes into the inner chapeland there we again pray one hour for lost humanity. we don’t get very much sleep. that’swhy. and we don’t get enough food and we work hard and we suffer much. that’s why our bodiesare so broken. that’s why we seemingly don’t have enough strength to carry on after we’velived there. but, i’d like to say this before i go on anyfarther. now i did those very things. we are

taught to believe that as we spill our ownblood (now we must do this), as i whip my body, if i torment it or torture it in anyway that i spill blood, i’m taught to believe that i’ll have 100 less days to spend in purgatory.now you know we have no hope. those little nuns don’t look forward to anything. you maythink they do, but we don’t. why? after you live in a convent 10 years, i began to realizethe virgin mary is just a piece of metal. she’s a statue. i began to realize st. peter’sjust a statue. i began to realize that the statue of jesus is just a piece of metal.in other words we come to the place to believe that our god is a dead god. and i’ll assureyou, after you live in a convent long enough, not at first, oh no, but after we’ve sufferedenough, after we’ve fallen down at the feet

of those statues and spilled our tears onthem and have begged them to intercede and get a prayer through to god and years go bywith no answer from them whatsoever. a parent won’t even know when they’re dead. so who’sgoing to pray us out of purgatory? or, rather, buy us out of purgatory? no, we realize after we’re in there for aperiod of time that there is no purgatory. of course, you know there isn’t and i knowthere isn’t, and there is no purgatory. the only purgatory the roman catholic people haveis the priest’s pocket, and they’re filling his pockets with coins in order to pray forthe dead. and may i say there are thousands and thousands of roman catholics in the monthof november, may i say to you, in the united

states two years ago in the month of novemberthe roman catholic priests prayed masses for the dead of the roman catholic people of thiscountry in one month collected 22 million dollars for masses said for dead roman catholics.that’s just a little idea or sample of what’s going on in this country, and still thereare thousands of mothers that will work their fingers to the bone to go over there and givethe priest another five dollars to say a mass for loved one that is in purgatory, becausethat mother believes there is a purgatory. in the convent they have a painting of purgatory,and there’s nothing in the room but just that painting. and you know, every friday we haveto walk around that painting. and when we walk around it, i would you could look atthe little nuns faces. what do i see? the

painting, as you would walk around it, lookslike its a big deep hole out there and there are people down in there, and the flames offire are lapping around the bodies of those people, and their hands are outstretched likethis, and the mother will say to the little nuns, “you better go and put another penanceon your body. those people are begging to get out of that fire.” and because we’re heathens, we don’t knowany better. i might go someplace in the convent and maybe i’ll burn my body real bad. maybei’ll torture some way and spill some more blood, because as i suffer i believe thatthey’re going to get out of that place where a priest puts them. and there are millionsof people so to speak, in purgatory that your

priests have put there and when he know thatit is the biggest fraud in the world. he knows there’s not a bit of truth to it. and, blessyour heart, i often say if you take purgatory and mass away from the roman catholic churchand you’ll rob her of nine-tenths of her living. she’ll starve to death if you would take itaway from her. she commercializes, not only off of the living, but off of the dead. andon and on it goes. alright. it doesn’t bother a mother superiorto take one of those dear little girls, and may i say, you know, when the priests comeinto the convent they come as our father-confessors. once a month we go to confession, and (wedon’t want to go, don’t you worry!) i’ve many a time got in the back row. i didn’t wantto go in there. i know who’s out there. one

of them, (i may not know the particular man,but i know he’s a priest), and i know those priests. i certainly have seen them enough.i’ve lived there long enough. i certainly have had contact with every one of them. andi’ll assure you this one thing, i don’t trust one single one of those in the convent. now,we’re not telling you about all the priests. i don’t know all the priests. i’m just talkingabout the convent in my personal testimony about convent life, and you know we know somethingabout what’s out in that room. here we are. we know we’re going to confession today. itmay take all day long. and here he comes, and i have never seen a roman catholic priestcome into the convent that i was in without intoxicating liquor under his belt. and isay a man or a woman, regardless of who you

may be, when you get liquor under your belt,you are not a man, neither are you a woman. you become an animal and a beast. and so wehave a beast sitting out there. there’s a straight-backed, hard-bottomed chair. no otherfurniture but the crucifix and the virgin mary, but here he is sitting on that chairright out there in the middle of that room. now here a little girl has to walk out therealone, and she has to kneel down. think of it! why bless your heart, i really sometimes,i’m saved now, i’m out of the convent and i now look back at that roman catholic priestand i often say, “i’m sure he was a twin brother to the devil because he’s full of sin. he’sfull of vice. he’s full of corruption.” and we go out there and we kneel down at hisknees. now you are a lucky girl if you get

away from that man without being destroyed.why, he’s drunk. he’s just a beast. he’s not a man. oh, he has a holy habit on. he’s anordained roman catholic priest, and so i’ll assure you, we don’t like to go to confession,but we must go once a month. and those little girls can’t help themselves, and nobody comesout into that room but the priest and i until it’s all over, and then we can come back andthe next one will have to come. and i’ll assure you, we don’t appreciate that day. and thoselittle girls don’t know any better. they don’t know anything about the plan of salvation.they don’t know that jesus went to calvary and died for them. they don’t know that heshed his blood for them. those little girls know nothing about it, because to me, i’llrepeat again, the bible was a hidden book

to every one of those little girls. and so now they can do things like this. nowif a roman catholic priest comes into the convent, he may go to the mother superiorand ask her to permit him to go into the cell where one of the nuns are. and you know, thatmother with her carnal mind and her carnal heart, and she’s very hard and very carnal,and she is the mother many times of many illegitimate children, they belong to the priest. and youknow, she’ll take that priest, and he drinking, she knows it. they bring liquor in with them.sometimes some of the nuns will drink with them, and the mother usually drinks with them.(and it’s really a terrible place, it is, not a religious order. it does not live upto that name whatsoever). but here she brings

that priest into one of our cells. now, iwonder if you realize how serious it is. that roman catholic priest, he has liquor underhis belt. we know that. but he has a big strong body. he’s had three square meals of foodevery day of his life. he can eat all the food that he wants. but you know, there’sa little nun that may have a broken body, and she may not have very much strength. andwhat did he come into that cell for? for nothing other than to destroy that little nun. i often say i wish the government could walkinto a convent just about the time one of those priests are let into a cell. the motherwill turn a key in the lock and you’re locked in there with that priest. now we have noway to defend ourselves, and i often say

(i had to nurse those little girls. i’m an r.n. [registered nurse]i got my nurse’s training by going through the tunnel over to the hospital as i livedin an open order convent). but may i say that after that priest is taken out of there, ifyou could look upon the body of that little nun, she looks like something you’d throwout in a hog pen and a half dozen old sows had just mauled that child’s body. and thisis convent life! i can understand why your priests are calling over the phone every dayor two and screaming their heads off because i’m in this city giving this testimony. butmay i say to you, i don’t mind if they continue to scream. i don’t mind what they do. i’mnot one bit afraid of them. i’ll continue to give this testimony. as long as god givesme strength, i’ll be giving this testimony

regardless of your priests or your bishopsin this country. i know what i’m doing. i know what i’m saying, and i’m not afraid ofanybody in all of this world. i’m a child of god, and i believe god won’t let anybodyput a hand on me until my work is finished, and then i often say, i don’t care what youdo to my body after i leave this body. i’m sure i don’t mind. so i will continue to givethis testimony, regardless of what your priests think about it, because i think god savedme to pull the cover off of convents. i believe he saved me to uncloak those places that areriding under the cloak of religion. i believe that with all of my heart. i’ll assure youi do. now, if i refuse to give my body (you knowwe are supposed to give our body voluntarily

to those priests. many times the nuns areoverpowered), but if i refuse to give my body voluntarily to them, then you know he becomesvery angry and he goes immediately to the mother superior. then when two carnal mindscome together, they can invent things that you and i- we don’t have enough evil in ourheart to invent things like that. we don’t have enough sin in our lives to even thinkof such terrible things. and when those two carnal minds come together, the next time,i want you to know, they’re all ready. now the mother superior might say to me in a dayor two, “now, we’re going to do penance.” now the penance that they’ll inflict on meis something that the mother superior and the priest has invented and it might be very,very cruel. they might take me down into one

of the dirty dungeons (and there’s no floorsin those places), and you know they have a place down there, there are rods about threefeet long. they have them burrowed down into cement and at the top of it there’s a ringabout this big sticking out of the ground. they have some leather straps fastened there.and when they take me down there, they put either foot through those rings and then theystrap my ankles securely. now i’m standing [balanced above the floor] with my feet inthose rings. alright. they’re going out of there, and they’regoing to leave me locked up in that place by myself. and it’s a dirty place. why i mightstand there for two or three hours, if i have strength enough in my body. but what do youthink’s going to happen to me then? i can’t

stand any longer. sometimes we faint. sometimeswe just become exhausted and we go down. but when i go down, it flips my ankles over likethat and i can’t do anything about it. i don’t have what it takes for me to get up. i mayhave to lie in that position for two or three days and no one will come near. they won’tgive me a bite of food. they won’t bring me one drop of water, but i must stay there.and the next thing you feel is the bugs crawling over my body and the mice running over me,and i still have to stay there. i can understand why they don’t want me to uncover. they don’twant the world to know these things are going on. no priest in this country wants it. andif he doesn’t want the world to know it, he better be pretty careful that nobody evergets out of a convent after they’ve spent

a few years back there. but may i say again to you that my god isgreater than all the outside forces. my god can reach his hand over there into those conventsin this country or any other country and make a way for a girl to come out and he won’thave to ask the bishops to help him. he won’t have to ask the priests to help him, but godcan make a way for us to come out. i’ll assure you that. well on it goes. then sometimes the priestcome and they get angry at us because we refuse to sin with them voluntarily. and you know,after all, the nuns’ bodies are broken after we’re there awhile. and many, many the time,to have him strike you in the mouth is a terrible

thing. i’ve had my front teeth knocked out.i know what it’s all about. and then they get you down on the floor and then kick youin the stomach. many of those precious little girls have babies under their heart, and itdoesn’t bother a priest to kick you in the stomach with a baby under your heart. he doesn’tmind. the baby is going to be killed anyway because those babies are going to be bornin the convent. why wouldn’t babies be born when you run places like this under the cloakof religion? the world thinks it’s a religious orders, and there are babies born in there.and most of the babies are premature. many of them are abnormal. very, very seldom dowe ever see a normal baby. you say, “sister charlotte, do you dare tosay that?” i most definitely do dare to say

it, and i intend to keep on saying it. why?i’ve delivered those babies with these hands, and what i’ve seen with my eyes and i’ve donewith my hands, i just challenge the whole world to say it isn’t true. and the only waythey can ever prove it isn’t true, they’ll have to open every convent door. if they everserve a summons on me and call me into court, i’ll assure you this one thing: convents arecoming open and then the world will know what convents really are. and they’ll have to openthem to vindicate my testimony, because i know what i’ll do if they ever serve a summonson me. i’ve been before the highest laws we have in the united states. i know what i’mdoing. i know what i can say, and i’m not one bit afraid to say it because i’ve beena part of this. i’ve been connected with this

system 22 years behind convent doors, andit is a terrible thing. when that dear little nun is looking forwardto that day when her precious baby will be born, most of you dear mothers, oh, you haveeverything ready. the beautiful nursery! all the baby’s beautiful clothes are made. everythingis lovely! you’re looking forward to that precious little immortal soul that’s goingto be born into your home, and everything is ready. oh i wish you could see that littlenun. she’s not looking forward to that. there won’t ever be a blanket around his body. they’llnever even bathe that baby’s body, but he can only live four or five hours. and then the mothersuperior will take that baby and put her fingers in its nostrils, cover its mouth and snuffits little life out.

and why do they build these lime pits in theconvent? what is the reason for building them if it isn’t to kill the babies? and that babywill be taken into the lime pit and chemical lime will be put over its body. and that’sthe end of babies. oh, when i think about it! that’s why i try to challenge people.pray! if you know how to pray, if you know how to contact god, pray and ask god to deliverthe girls behind convent doors. in other words, pray that god will make a way for every conventin the united states to be opened, and let the government go in. and when the governmentgoes in, you won’t have to worry. the convents will be opened. the nuns will be taken out,and [the convents] will be closed up just as they opened the convents in old mexicoin 1934. there are no convents in old mexico.

every cloister is open and they found allof the corruption back there. the lime pit. if any of you are taking a vacation, go overinto old mexico. the government owns them. they’re public museums. go through the convents.look with your own eyes. touch with your own hands, and then come home and see if you believemy testimony. it’ll still every bit of red blood in you veins. i mean it’ll do somethingto you that nothing else has ever been able to do. go through them and look at them. gointo the dungeons. go into the tunnels. go through the lime pit and look at the skulls,rooms of skulls over there, and then ask the guide where they come from. and go and seeall the devices of torture they placed upon the bodies of the little nuns. go into theircells and look at their beds and see for yourself.

oh yes, you can go. it’ll cost you twenty-fivecents to go through each one of them. you look at those things and see them for yourself,and then come home and maybe it will give you a greater burden to pray for little girlsthat have been enticed behind convent doors by the hierarchy of the roman catholic church. i wonder how you would feel if this was yourchild. and remember, i have a mother and daddy, or had one, and they loved me just as muchas you love your children. and when they let me go into the convent i’m sure my motherand daddy didn’t expect these things to happen because they didn’t know. they never dreameda convent was like this. but, you know, i wonder how you’d feel if you could walk insomeday and out there in this particular room,

that floor is built for this purpose. there’sa partition right out there, and there’s just a little thing they can touch. it automaticallyopens, and, you know, there’s a deep hole underneath that floor and this little nunhas done something. i can’t tell you what she’s done because i wasn’t there when shedone it, but she’s done something, and to them it’s very serious. and when they bringher, they bring here to this particular place. her little hands and feet are going to bebound securely. they’re going to drop her in that horrible, horrible pit, and then they’regoing to put the boards back down. oh, there’s plenty of chemical and lime down there. butyou know, they don’t do that. six little nuns have to walk around that [open] hole. we’llchant as we walk around that hole. we don’t

want any evil spirits to come out into theconvent, so we sprinkle holy water over that hole. we may walk for six hours and then they’llappoint six more nuns, and on and on it goes until we hear the last moan. and that’s the end of the little nun theyplaced down there. no, she’ll never be delivered from the convent, but does it bother you toknow that that little nun will die and be lost? does that bother you? it bothers mebecause i didn’t know jesus i couldn’t tell her about god. i didn’t know him myself. butit bothers me very, very much, but god will not hold me accountable. her blood will notbe on my hands because i didn’t know the lord and i couldn’t tell her about him. and so,on it goes, and i wonder how you see it.

here we are, a body of those little nuns.on this particular morning, the mother superior might say this, “we’re all going to be linedup here.” and i don’t know what she’s lining me up for. and then, you know, there mightbe ten others, there might be 15 others, and then she’ll tell us all to strip and we haveto take every stitch of our clothing off. we’re certainly not anything beautiful tolook at. ours eyes are back in our head. our cheeks are fallen in. our bodies are wasted.god only knows what we look like, because i never saw myself in 22 years. i didn’t knowi had gray hair. i didn’t know i had lines in my face. i didn’t know how old i was- ionly found that out about six years ago. you know nothing about what you look like.

and here we are, lined up, and here comestwo or three roman catholic priests with liquor under their belts, and there they’re goingto march in front of those nude girls and choose the girl they want to take to the cellwith them. these are convents, cloistered convents, not open orders. the priest cando anything he wants to and hide behind the cloak of religion. then that same roman catholicpriest will go back into the roman catholic churches and there he’ll say mass, and therehe’ll go into the confessional box and make those poor people believe he can give themabsolution from their sins when he’s full of sin. when he’s full of corruption and vice,still he acts as their god. what a terrible thing it is. and on it goes.

well, i lived there. now all the time thesethings are going on, what do you think is happening inside of charlotte? god love yourhearts! i didn’t know people could hold so much hatred and bitterness. and it went onand on. i was filled with bitterness and hatred, and i mean it continued to build. i beganin my heart to think, “when i can get the mother superior in a certain place, i’ll killher.” isn’t it awful to get murder in our hearts? i didn’t go into the convent witha heart like that nor a mind like that, but i began to plan murder in the convent, howi could kill her, and how i could kill a roman catholic priest. and on and on it goes. andoh, i’ll tell you, every time she’d inflict something awful on my body, that i’d haveto suffer so terribly, when i could think

sensibly again, then i would begin to plan.how i could kill that woman. and on it goes. well, after all you can’t help it. for instance,i wonder how you would feel. the mother superior, here she is, and she’sgoing to sit me down in a chair. and you know, that chair is straight-backed, hard-bottomedand i don’t have any hair. she’s going to take everything off my head. and you knowshe’s going to put my hands like this. they’d be out here in stocks, and i going to haveto bend my head over like that in order to put the stocks across my neck, and i’m fastenedsecurely, and over my head there is a faucet of water, and you know, there is a faucetof water just above my head and my head’s over. now that mother’s going to turn thatwater on. just a drop, and the drop will come

about this fast. it’ll hit me right thereon the back of my head, and you know, i can’t move either way. i sat there. one hour, twohours, three hours, four hours. what do you think’s going on? i’m sitting there. i can’tmove. i do everything to get away from that drop of water in the same spot on my head.why, god love your heart, if you could look in you’d see us frothing at the mouth. you’dsee those little girls. they’re trying so hard to move to get away from that water,and they let us stay there sometimes ten hours. all day long. many, many times a little nuncracks up completely. she goes stark raving mad under this particular penance. what in the world do they do with her? i’lltell you in a few minutes. don’t you worry.

they have a place for us after we go mad inthe convent. they take care of us. they have places for the little nuns. there’s placesbuilt down there for us. well, on it goes. well, you know, these thingswent on and went on and went on. and it was terrible. but, you know, i began to plan andplan and plan. after she has done something like that to me it’s terrible. one day the mother superior took violentlyill. you say, “who would take her place?” there are about three, sometimes they havefour older nuns, and they always pick the one that’s hard. the one that seemingly iscarnal. that one that has no conscience to be a mother superior, and she works underthis one. one day if something happens to

the main mother superior, another one willtake her place. and on it goes. but, you know, this particular day they sent word to me.“the mother superior,” i was to come into her room, “she’s very sick.” and quicker thanlightning i began to think, “if i got in that mother superior’s room! i know what i’lldo.” you know, after all, i’m a sinner. i’m a nun, but i’m a sinner, and i don’t knowgod, and i have a lot of hatred in my heart, and i walk in that room. they have calledin an outside roman catholic doctor. she’s a very sick woman, and he has left all orders,and they have left the medicine and everything. now i’m supposed to take care of her, andthat was wonderful. i do take care of her. all day long i did what they told me to do,what i’m supposed to do. and those particular

tablets. i knew what they were and what theywould do, and i knew what she was taking them for. but anyway, all day long i gave her, her medicine.i done everything i’m supposed to. all evening long why? i want to be sure what i’m doing.when i do it, i have to be careful. and you know i waited until one o’clock in the morning.why? because every night those little nuns have to be gotten out of bed and go chant fromtwelve to one. seven minutes of twelve, until one. i thought i’ll wait until all the nunsgo back to bed then i’m going to do something. and, bless your hearts, after they were allback in their beds, i’ll tell you what i did. i took five or six of those tables. i wasonly supposed to take one in a half a glass of water every so often and give it to her.but, because of the type they were and what

type of tablet it was, i knew what it woulddo. i put six of them in a glass of water and stirred them up, and i gave them to her.i knew she would go into convulsions. it would twist her completely out of shape. i knewthat woman would suffer a million deaths within 25 minutes. i knew that, and i thought, “i’mgoing to watch her suffer because she has punished us. she has hurt us so many thousandsof times. i’ll watch her suffer.” isn’t it terrible to think a child can livein a place like that long enough until she has the same kind of a heart almost the mothersuperior has. but that’s what comes when sin gets into your life. and so i waited. youknow, i gave them to her, and something happened to me. i got scared, and i began to look atthat woman as she began to change color, and

i couldn’t find her pulse. i couldn’t findher respiration. i was frightened, and i thought, “oh! what shall i do? if they find her dead,only god knows what they’ll do to me.” i’ll tell you what i did. i got that stomachpump and pumped as quickly as i could. i pumped that woman’s stomach. i massaged that woman.i done everything there was to do, and oh, thank god, she didn’t die. i said i thankgod. but, you know, i sat down by the bed and held her hand and watched her carefullyuntil the respiration came back normal, until her pulse was normal and i felt she wouldlive. and i thought of another thing. i’ll do thisthen! i saw where her keys were hid right there in her shelf in her own room. so they’reon a big chain, or a big ring, and i thought,

“i’m going to take those keys. i’m going downinto that dungeon.” when i say down this is two stories under the ground. “i’m going someplacewhere she’s always warned us.” it’s a solid wall like that, and clear to the back endof that wall there’s one door, and it’s heavy, and it’s always locked, and i’ve heard hertell me scores of times (and i’m sure she has [told] the others), “don’t ever try togo through that door.” what in the world is over there, and why didshe tell us that? we can’t get through it. it’s locked! but, you know, i wondered whatwas back there because when they had me in the dungeon a long time once, i heard screamsunder the ground. i heard such blood-curdling screams, and i knew there was some girls lockedup somewhere, and so i’m going through there

if i find the key. and so i got her keys andi went into that particular place. and when i got back there, it took a while to do it,i want you to know, to find the key, but oh, it unlocked that door! i walked through thatdoor, and i walked into a hall. the hall, i would say, is maybe five feet wide, maybewider than that. that’s just a guess. anyway, on the other side of the hall there were anumber of cells over there. small rooms, and they had real heavy doors, and in those cellswere little nuns. and when i went up to the first one, near the top of the door there’sa little place about this long, about that wide, and it has iron bars going across there.and i looked right into the face of a little nun that i knew, one that i had sat acrossthe table from, one that i had prayed with

in the chapel. i knew that girl, and hereshe is. they had chains and a lock chained around either of her wrists and around herwaistline! i said, “when did you have something to eat last?” and no answer. “how long have you been here?” no answer. i went down to the second, the third, thefourth, the fifth, and the stench was getting so bad i couldn’t stand it. and you know,those little girls would not talk. why? i lived in the convent, you know, a long time.i don’t care if i was two miles under the convent, way back there we were working backthere and we’d whisper. the next day i’d have

to suffer because the convents are wired andthe mother superior can hear every voice, every whisper, and then somebody tells, andyou’re in some serious trouble. and those nuns have been there long enough. what havethey done? i don’t know, but those nuns are supposed to have cracked up mentally and sothey have to put them in those chains. and when they die, they can’t fall down to thefloor. they just drop in those chains and slump. when they go in there, they don’t givethem any more food, no more water. that’s a slow death. and so, as i saw all of thati became so sick from the terrible stench, because many of them are already dead. i don’tknow how long they’ve been dead. i came out of there and walked back up tothis room where the mother superior was, and

she was lying there sleeping. and i watchedher there carefully, and she slept until the next day, long, long hours and didn’t waken.and when she did, she said, “i’ve had a long sleep.” and i said, “yes.” they let me takecare of her for three days, and you know, the third day- i don’t know. you say, “didshe ever find out you was down there?” well not yet. i hope she didn’t while i was there. but anyway, after three days they put me outin the kitchen. in other words, when we go to the kitchen, six of us go for a six weeksperiod. and this particular time they put me out in the kitchen with five other littlenuns. what am i there for? i’m doing the kitchen work. i’m going to do all of the cooking that’sdone out there and take care of the work in

the kitchen. and so, when i when out in thekitchen, we have a long table back here, and it’s a work table, and our vegetables willbe prepared for the soup, and that’s what we were doing, all six of us. and somethinghappened. our kitchen is a very large room, and a very long room, not as wide as it islong, and over at one end of it you will find over here there’s stair steps leading, aboutfour of them leading down. then there’s a landing right there. over there is a big heavyoutside door, but here there is a landing. our garbage cans sit there, and right hereis a stairway, a cement one, leading down one story under the ground. now, i’m up onthe first floor in this kitchen. alright, now as i’m in there and we’re inthere working something happened. somebody

touched the garbage can. you know, all myconvent life we are taught never to break silence. we don’t dare to make noises in theconvent. we are punished for them. and when something touched the garbage can that’s anoise. who in the world-? there’s six of us and we’re all together. who is touching thegarbage can? i wheeled around. they wheeled around, and we saw a man, and you know, thatman was picking up the full can and leaving an empty one. i’ve never seen that before.i’ve been in that convent for years, and in the kitchen, but i never saw anything likethat happen. i believe god had his hand on me. with all my heart i believe it. and yousay, “what happened?” well, we turned around quickly because to us it’s a mortal sin tolook upon a man other than a roman catholic

priest. and i mean we turned around quicklyand went to our work. but, you know, i thought, “if that man comes back again to get anotherfull can, i’m going to give him a note and i’m going to ask him if i can run out withhim.” but, i didn’t do that, but do you know whati did? when we run out of something in the kitchen there’s a pencil hanging up thereon a chain, and bless your heart, i have to (or whoever it is that runs out), you haveto write it on a tab, and of course i stole a piece of paper off of a sack, and i thought,“i’ll carry that little piece of paper in my skirt pocket, and every time i can geta hold of that pencil i’m going to write a word or two on that note.” and that’s whati did. it took quite a while to do it, but

oh, i watched that garbage can! every timei could take the garbage down there i did it. and you know, when it was just about full,and i thought, “the next evening, it’ll be full when we put all the garbage in it.” and so, that afternoon i broke my crucifix,and i laid it up on a shelf, and i had a hard time doing it because they’re watching me.but i did it, and i laid it up on a shelf, and i did that to have a way to get back tohave a way to get back to that room, of course. and when our dinner work is over, our supperdishes, everybody has to go out at the same time and we march by the mother superior.and, you know, when i marched by, i stopped and said, “may i speak to you?” and i did,and i said, “mother superior i broke my crucifix

and i left it in the kitchen. may i go forit?” (and of course no nun goes without her crucifix). and she said, “how did you break it?” i liedto her. everything she asked me, i lied to her. you say, “why did you lie?” she liesto us, and we’re all sinners, so we all lie, and it doesn’t make any difference in there.and so we lied, and i lied to her, and then finally she said, “you go get the crucifixand come right back.” and that’s all i wanted anyway. i have to have a reason. you can’tgo back to the kitchen after you’ve left it. so i didn’t go for the crucifix, but she thoughti did, and i run for this tin can. why? that night when i put my garbage in there i puta note right on top of that garbage and left the lid off, which i was not supposed to do.and, you know, i said on the note to the garbage

man, “if you get this, won’t you please helpme out? won’t you do something to help the little nuns out?” i told him about those 19cells down there and those 19 nuns in them. i told him about some of the babies that hadbeen killed. i told him some other little nuns that are locked up in the dungeon andthey’re bound with chains. i told him a-plenty, and i said, “won’t you help us? if you will,please leave a note under the empty can.” that’s what i went back for. and when i lifted up the can and found a note,you don’t know how i felt. i froze to the floor. i was so scared i didn’t know whatto do. i picked that piece of paper up and i read, and this is what that man said, “i’mleaving that door unlocked and i’ll leave

the big iron gate unlocked. you come out.”oh, let me tell you. that’s almost more than you’d ever- i never dreamed i’d get out ofa convent. i never thought of ever getting out. i wanted out, but you say oh yes, wheni could collect myself i reached over and turned the knob, and do you know, it opened!i walked out of that convent and i slammed it through. i was sure the lock was on it,and i got out to the big iron gate but, oh, he had me trapped. that iron gate was justas locked as it was ever locked! you don’t know what it done to me to stand looking atthe iron gate. i’m locked out of the convent. i have no right out there. you can’t imagine.i don’t know if i grew old right there. i don’t know. i know i’ve suffered enough becausei’m scared half to death. and what will i

do if i go back there and pound on that door?what will they do with me? and, oh, the fear that grips your heart. and you say, “whatdid you do?” i didn’t have any shoes and stockings on.i had worn those out years ago. when i think of the roman catholic church being the richestchurch in the world and they let those little nuns go winter and summer without any shoesand without any hose, living in crucial poverty, i wonder how they can do it! hungry as weare, their priests are all nice and fat. the little nuns are so hungry, i wonder how theydo it sometimes. you say, “what did you do, charlotte?” well, i’ll tell you, i just tooka hold of that big iron gate, and i tried to climb it. that’s all there was for me todo. and up about a foot and a half from the

top there’s a ledge about six inches wide.i thought if i could get high enough to get my knee on the ledge i’m safe. and i did.i got one knee on the ledge, but by this time i don’t have any strength left either. andyou know, i thought, “what’ll i do? i’ll put one foot over, then i’ll get the other over.”then i realized i have three skirts on. my skirts are gathered on a belt and they’reclear down to my ankles. my veil, of course is down to my knees in front and that longin the back. how will i ever get over those sharp points? and i thought, “i can’t go down,i don’t have strength enough, so i’ll have to jump.” and if i jump i’ll break every bonebecause i was a broken body, of course. and so i thought, “what’ll i do?” well i pulledall of my clothing up around my body and held

them with one hand, and then i thought, “i’llhave to jump.” and you know, they have a buzzer in the convent,and when a little nun tries to escape and they [go to] catch her they put a buzzer on.and, oh, the priests tell you they don’t come to the convent, i wish you could see the prieststhen. you’ll find a good many of them there, and they immediately are after that nun. theydon’t want her out. if she comes out of that convent, she’s going to give a testimony someday,and it’ll pull the cloak off of convents. and i’ll assure you they don’t intend forus to get out. and so, as i let loose of that top of thatgate and i made that jump, i just didn’t make it. my clothing caught on top of those pointsand i hung there, but i let loose. and i often

say i don’t know what i looked like. i didn’tknow i had gray hair, but i’ve often said, “maybe my hair turned gray there.” maybe you’llnever know what i suffered hanging there on top of that gate, knowing that buzzer couldgo on any minute and then what would they do to me? i was scared. so i thought i’d tryto wiggle my body and to force swing it if i can get back far enough to grab the gatewith one hand maybe i can help myself. and i did. and then with the other hand i triedto pry the snappers loose on my skirt, and that let me fall between them. do you knowwhat happened to me? i hit the ground. i was out. i was unconscious for a while. i don’tknow how long though, we have no way to tell. but when i came to, i had a shoulder brokenand my arm was broken right in here. the bone

had snapped right through my flesh becausei didn’t have any meat on me. and i thought, “what’ll i do?” and i realizedi’m on the outside. “where am i going?” where do you think you’d go? i’m not in the unitedstates. i’m in another country and i don’t know a thing about that country. when theytook me over there i was so heavily veiled and they took me from that particular trainto the convent, i was so heavily veiled i couldn’t see anything. and i don’t know wherei am. i don’t know where to go. i don’t know if i have any people. i don’t know if i knowanybody in the world. and i’m a pauper. i don’t have any money, and i’m hungry, andmy body’s broken, and i’m hurt now. where do you think you’d go? i tell you. it’s somethingto think about. i just started away. but get

away from the convent! and i did. i startedmoving away. all the leaves were falling and they madeso much noise! and i was scared, and i kept on moving, and finally dark overtook me, orrather, there’s no twilight in that part of the country- it just drops off into darkness.and, you know, i saw this little building beside the road. i thought, “i’ll crawl init.” it was a doghouse or maybe a chicken coop or something. but it’s dirty and i crawledin there because i was shaking and scared. and i lay in there a little while to get ahold of myself, and i thought, “i’ll have to travel, it’s dark. it’s safer for me.”so i got out and i traveled that night and the next day. i hid behind pieces of boardand tin that was piled up against an old building.

and all day long, imagine, hiding in thathot place! and hungry as i was, with broken bones, do you realize what it was all about?no. you will never know. but i do. and then, you know, when night came againi have to go because i’m going to get away from the convent. i’m afraid to rap on somebody’sdoor. remember, i’m scared. i don’t know, i might rap on a roman catholic’s door. they’llimmediately notify the priests and i’ll be taken back to the convent. and i’d ratherthey kill me than take me back. and so i didn’t [knock], but i went on and on and on. andthen the next day i hid out in an old truss bag. and then, that afternoon on the thirdday, i was scared then because this arm was swollen as tight as it could swell and i washaving to carry it in the other hand.

and all my fingers began to turn blue, and i realizedgangrene poisoning was setting in. and, you know, there’s nobody to do anything for you.and i realized i’m going to die just like a rat beside the road. that’s a terrible feeling,and i thought, “what’ll i do? i’ll just get out and go [die] a little sooner. i’ll justhave to rap on somebody’s door.” and that’s what i did. i remember as i walked (i don’t know how far)i saw this lamp. it was an old fashioned lamp, burning. very poor house, no paint on it,and i knew those were poor people. so i walked up to the screen door and i rapped on it,and a tall man came to the door. he was rather old. and i said, “please, may i have a drinkof water.” and you know, that old man didn’t answer me, but he walked back in the house,and he called his wife. and, god bless her

heart, she’s like most old-fashioned mothers.she came to the door, and she didn’t say, “who are you and what do you want?” thankgod there are a lot of good people in this world. that dear little woman just pushedthat door open and said, “won’t you come in and sit down?” do you know that’s the mostbeautiful music i ever heard in my life? i should say i’ll come in and sit down! andshe pulled out a chair, and i sat down on it. i’m glad to sit down. and you know, she’s poor. there’re no rugson the floor of any type, red-checkered tablecloth on the table, a little old stove over therein the corner, and there was a fire in it. and that woman put some milk in a pan andheated it and brought it over to me. and,

you know, i’m hungry. i don’t have any manners.i forgot how to act. i forgot a lot of things in 22 years. and i grabbed that glass of milkbefore she ever sat it down, and i gobbled it down. i’m so hungry, i felt like i’m, goingstark mad. and i took it instantly, and the moment it touched my stomach, of course icouldn’t retain it. i lost it. i haven’t had any whole milk in 22 years. you could understandwhy i couldn’t take it. and she knew what to do. she went out into the kitchen and sheheated some water, or rather over to the stove and heated some water. and bless her heart,she put some sugar in that water, and she brought it over to me, and she sat down andgave it to me from a spoon. i took every bit of it. oh, it was good! it was nourishing.

and then the daddy walked over by me and hesaid, “now tell us who you are and where you come from,” i began to cry. i was scared then.i said, “i’ve run away from the convent and i’m not going back.” and he said, “what happenedto you?” and my hand was laying upon the table. and i said, “well, i tried to get over thegate and i fell, and i’m hurt.” and you know he said, “we’ll have to call a doctor and bless her sweet life.” then really became hysterical. i got up from the table, i was going to run back outside, and they wouldn’t let me. he said, “wait aminute. we’re not going to hurt you. you’re hurt. you have to have help.” i said, “i don’t have any money, and i don’thave any people, and i can’t pay a doctor bill.” i was just in a terrible mess if youwant to know it. and that man said to me,

“i’m going after a doctor.” he said, “andhe’s not a roman catholic, and neither am i.” and that dear man didn’t have a car, buthe hitched up a horse and buggy and he drove nine miles to get a doctor. the doctor cameout in his car, and when he got to the place, he got there ahead of the man. and when thedoctor walked in and walked around me, he just kept walking around me and he was swearing.(maybe he didn’t realize it was a terrible effect upon me). when he stopped and lookedat me, of course he was mad. he was mad. why was he mad? he was mad because he was lookingat something that was supposed to be a human being, and i didn’t even look like a humanbeing i was in such a horrible condition. but finally he calmed down and he came overto me and he said, “i’ll have to take you

to the hospital tonight.” oh, i became hysterical.i said, “i don’t want to go. please don’t make me go!” then he sat down carefully andtook my hand and he began to say, “i’m not going to hurt you. you have to have help,and i want to help you.” that doctor took me into the hospital thatnight and that’s where i learned how much i weighed. he weighed me and i weighed exactly89 pounds [40.4 kg]. i weigh 178 [80.7 kg] right now. and they, you know, they took me intosurgery, and of course they tried to get the swelling and the inflammation out of my handand arm [so] that they might do something for me. it took about 12 or 13 days. by thistime it started to knit and they had to break it all over again and put it in a cast. idid a lot of suffering.

well, you know, one day a way was made forme to be released from the hospital. who did they release me to? i begged to go out tothose old people to stay with them, and they let me go, because they had been good to meand i trusted them. and the doctor wanted to take me out to his home. i was in thathospital three and a half months. and they took me out there [to the old folks] and istayed for a period of time. and then one day this same doctor, he wrote a letter and,do you know what he sent in that letter? he sent a check. he told the people to go andbuy me a suitcase and get me some clothing. he was coming for me on a certain day. he hadtold me, “i’m going to find your people for you.” you know that doctor is a stranger tome, but oh, how i thank god that he has men

and women across this world and those menand women are not so selfish that they won’t use some of the money that god has allowedthem to have to help that one that’s less fortunate than they. here, he spent a lotof money on me. i was in that hospital three and a half months, and i mean there was alot of money spent on me, but he paid the bills. how i appreciate it! and you know,that dear doctor, oh they took me, bought my clothing for me, bought my suitcase andeverything was ready and the day came when he come, and you know, that doctor took meto the train. and he put me on a train in care of somebody, of course. he had foundmy people for me. i was on buses and trains and boats for a long time, and one day, afterhe had gotten my visa for me to get back into

the united states, and i was always in thecharge of somebody because they didn’t trust me to travel alone because of having to liveunder the ground so long. and one day they called the name of a townwhere i was, or where my mother and daddy lived. and you know i knew where mother anddaddy lived and i got off of that train and i run down to their home, five blocks fromthat depot, just a very small town. and when i rang the bell, my daddy come to the door,and you know, i looked at his face, i didn’t know him. and because i didn’t know him isaid, “do you know where my father lives?” and he said, “who are you, and what’s yourname?” and i said my name, and i didn’t give himmy church name, i gave him my family name.

and that man looked at me, and of course itwas his name, and he said, “hooky, is this you?” my father didn’t know me, of courseit was my dad, and that dear old man opened the door then and invited me in, and i said,“dad, is mother alive?” because i didn’t know about her. and he took me back in to see herand there she was. seven and a half years she’s laid there, an invalid. a horrible,horrible invalid. and of course she didn’t know me and i didn’t know her. well, you know, that very night i took violentlysick and they put me back in another hospital for another three months, but my father paidall of those bills. he reimbursed the doctor and paid the doctor in another country andpaid the old people. he reimbursed them all.

all of that was wonderful, and then, you know,one day after my body was strong enough since i’m here in the united states (oh, it tooka long time, several years), i’m a nurse, and i took the examination to nurse. and doyou know what god did? he let a woman come into that particular hospital. it was a romancatholic hospital. this woman was a church of god minister. shecame in, and i thought, “how strange!” just across the mississippi river is two magnificentprotestant hospitals, and she lives in one of those cities. right there, three citiesjoined together. and why in the world did she come over here to this roman catholichospital? why? i believe god had his hand on it all the time. you know that woman camein and the doctor said, “i want you to start

her case,” and i went into that room to prepare that womanfor the operating table, and i heard her pray, and i want you to know, i became that woman’sprivate nurse. her special nurse. after she left the hospital she went home,and i became her special nurse in the home, and that woman asked if i wouldn’t go to churchwith her. and you know i lived in her home long enough to hear her pray. i lived in thathome long enough to read the bible to her because i’m her nurse and i did what she toldme to. i had never read a bible before in all of my life and she’d have to find thescriptures, and then i’d read them to her. and, you know, as i read the word of god,then god began to get a hold of me. and finally she said, “won’t you go to church with me,”and i went to church with that woman, and

i sat back there and i heard the gospel forthe first time in my life. and you know, i’ll tell you, i went through four nights, andit was really beautiful. i’ve never heard anything like this. and all the time she wastelling me about the plan of salvation, telling me about god, and that i needed god, and ineeded to be saved. and, of course, i was believing her. do you know what i’d do every night? i gofrom church with that woman, and i’d say, “you go to bed, but let me go to the basement.”i’d lay my bible down on the chair, and there i’d challenge god, and i’d say, “god, didyou hear what the preacher said? did you hear it, god?” and then i would tell god everythingi could remember that the preacher said. i said, “god, you heard every word, didn’t you?now, if you are god and the bible is the word

of god, god you’re real! i want what thosepeople have. but, if you’re not god, and the word of god is not your word, then god, pleasedon’t give to me what those people have.” let me tell you, i challenged god. i put himto a test. god’s not going to give you anything that’s not of god. don’t you worry. and every night i continued to do that, fouror five nights. and i didn’t eat either. i couldn’t sleep and i had lost my appetiteand i was losing a lot of weight. it was terrific! but you know, one night i come back to churchand out of a clear blue sky, right in the middle of that man’s service i just got outof my seat, and with both hands straight up in the air i come running right straight downan aisle like that. and i fell in at that

altar and i cried out, “my god, forgive mefor all my sins!” i was a sinner. i mean god met me there. praise his wonderful name. therewas a pool of water on that floor. i was sorry for everything that i had did in that convent.i stole potato peelings. i stole bread. i told lies. i called the mother superior namesunder my breath. and i want you to know, god met me down there and he forgave me of everysin that there was in my life. and how i thank and praise him for it! praise his wonderfulname! god has been very good to me. very good to me. a few nights after that, i went back to church.god healed me with the baptism of the holy ghost. may i say to you, god means more tome than all the material wealth you have in this city. i’d rather have jesus than anythingyou might have, because i’ve found him to

be the best friend i’ve ever known. i cantell him anything i want to tell him, and he won’t call you up and tell you what i’vetold him. i can sit at his feet and tell him every day of my life, “jesus, i love you!jesus, i love you!” and every secret of my heart, i can pour out to him. and i don’tworry about him calling you up and telling you what i told him. he’s the best friendyou ever had. he’s able to save you. he’s able to deliver you. he’s able to loose youfrom the things of this world and set you free to know him. praise his name. i havea wonderful god. i love him supremely. i’d rather have jesus than anything that you mighthave. god is real in my life. really wonderful, how god delivered me out of the convent. prayfor me. i need much prayer. i’ll be going

places where it’s predominantly roman catholic.i’ll have to suffer much, but i’m willing to suffer for jesus that i might tell someoneabout him and give my testimonies that other little girls might be spared from convents.so pray for me, won’t you? god bless you! end

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